You are all Rubbish – Minister for Schools Tells Teachers

Teachers reacted with hurt and dismay yesterday, when, for no particular reason, The Minister for Schools, announced that they were all crap and don't know anything about education or how to teach.

Nick Gibb
“Teachers are Crap! – Nick Gibb”
Image Courtesy of Policy Exchange via Flickr under the CC BY2.0 License

Minister for Schools, Nick Gibb, yesterday announced that he thought that teachers were rubbish and they didn’t really know a great deal about education. Mr Gibb, formerly an accountant, who joined the Government in the treasury in 1998, somehow feels qualified to speak vociferously about the British education system.

Thousands of Lessons

Mr Gibb claims he has sat “in thousands” (source The Independent) of classes after visiting at least 400 schools. This “fact” does however seem rather unlikely;  as a full time teacher probably only teaches around 800 lessons a year.

Beaten with Wooden Implements

The minister stated that teachers spend too much time teaching children “joyless” skills, such as using technology, mathematical processes and scientific application. He believes that schools should instead instill, knowledge and facts; like back in the 1950’s. It is important to point out that the education system in the 1950’s was perfect – a  system where grown adults  systematically, and quite legally,  beat and abused children with wooden implements, in front of their peers.

Ox-Bow Lakes

Businesses across the UK were quick to agree with Mr Gibb.  Business leader Jack Tool pointed out; “In the UK there is a massive skills shortage. The economy is crying out for computer programmers, web developers, mathematicians and applied scientists. Therefore it is important that young people know how Ox-bow lakes are formed, can recite Henry VIII’s wives in order and decline the french verb ‘Avoir’, in all possible tenses.”

NUT leader, Christine Blower, and experienced teacher (that is a teacher with many years of experience), said “Nick Gibb’s views are profoundly wrong. He is wrong about teaching and he is wrong about learning in schools.”

A spokesperson for the Department of Education told The Druid’s Loom, “Mrs Blower is a teacher and therefore her opinion on education is not important”.


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February 9, 2016 20:27

What a total a -hole. He obviously knows loads about education – as all accountants do.

Jenny Broomfield
February 9, 2016 21:44

I agree with Mr Gibb. These public sector parasites need to be put in there place. They work 5 hours a day and get most of the year off while I pay there wages with my taxis.

February 9, 2016 22:07

Jenny: “These public sector parasites need to be put in their place. They work 5 hours a day and get most of the year off while I pay their wages with my taxes.” Obviously they did a pathetic job with you.

Teacher and Head of Department in a school
February 9, 2016 23:07

Well Jenny, if you really think it’s that easy …. why don’t you become a teacher and live the ‘easy’ life! I doubt very much if your contribution to taxes makes very much difference anyway …. judging by your level of intellect you probably spend most of your days asking people if they ‘would like to make that a large meal’ or perhaps, seeing as you have the time to post asinine comments at this time of might about things you clearly know nothing about, you probably don’t work at all and your husband, God help him, probably earns all… Read more »

Fake Name
February 10, 2016 00:07

The article is entirely satirical, Jenny Broomfield. In order to help you understand – Mr. Gibb did not actually say these things; it is an article written with a ‘tongue-in-cheek’ slant, which passes comment on a serious topic. This puts your comment in rather an awkward light, I’d say…unless, of course, you meant your comment to be read in the same way? Judging, however, from your poor command of written English, I’d say the latter is not the case, in which case, please refer to my former statement! Oh dear. (For future reference – so you can at least put… Read more »

Tracey Marchant
February 10, 2016 00:30

Well Jenny. You have a literacy problem and coupled with your total ignorance of the teaching profession, you really do come across as a very silly person. With your poor language skills and low intellect, it’s surprising that anyone has been brave enough to employ you. Have you ever thought of getting some remedial lessons?

Public Sector Parasite
February 29, 2016 18:42

It’s ‘their’ NOT ‘there’ and I’m not sure what your travel arrangements have to do with paying teachers wages? You are clearly a very unintelligent person who should do us all a favour and refrain from commenting on something that is clearly satirical and that you have no comprehension of… TWIT!!!

March 17, 2016 07:08

How many taxis do you have?

February 10, 2016 20:09

Taxi for Jenny

Jackie T
February 10, 2016 20:14

To be fair, apart from her poor grasp of English, Jenny is right. My daughters go to a school, and when I pick them up at 3.30pm, I see the teachers just rushing to get into their cars and drive out of the school date.
Face it, its a part time job. The only reason there is a teacher shortage, is because they are all to busy being off ill with stress or something.

Angry of Mayfair
February 29, 2016 17:04
Reply to  Jackie T

Maybe they are going to pick up their own children – oh sorry, forgot, teachers aren’t allowed to have families or children – or a life – not in term time anyway.

You don’t know what time they arrived and you don’t know how much work they are taking home with them or even if they are heading back in for an evening meeting – but hey! Don’t let that stop you making a judgement.

You’ve made up your mind, no need to confuse you with suggestions or facts.

A real teacher,
February 29, 2016 20:33
Reply to  Jackie T

Jackie dear, the teachers rushing off at 3:30 are probably taking their marking home with them and they have probably been in school since 7am which is 8.5 hours! Please do not think that a teacher can just rock up to school at half 8 and leave at half 3 (which incidentally would be 7 hours per day – hardly part-time!). Outside of these hours we have a million administrative tasks along with planning, preparation, marking to name but a few. I go to work every day at 7 and I leave at 6 and I still end up doing… Read more »

George Gideon Smith
February 17, 2016 19:05

Most teachers spend years getting a degree in English or science – but I’m a PE teacher! I get paid the same as the Head of Physics even though I spend most days farting around in a track suit, blowing a whistle, and shouting at fat kids.Suckers! No one talks to me in the staff room and I strongly suspect they spit in my coffee when I’m not looking, but I don’t care. Ker-ching!!

John Whalley real
March 19, 2016 14:17

This guy is just a cock, the education system is what politicians have made it and the fact that he is an accountant sums up the problem