Street Mugger Reaches Rock Bottom

A Birmingham Man has appeared in court on the charge of mugging a man with his asshole.

Arsehole Muggings - Becoming More Common
Arsehole Muggings – Becoming More Common
Geizkragen69 / Pixabay – CC0

Rob Sidebottom 36, applied this method of attack as a strategy to mitigate his violations in a hypothetical court case. He figured that a slapstick approach to street robbery would provide some amusement for the judge who may subsequently demonstrate some leniency upon his sentence.

Not Amused

The judge wasn’t amused however, but he did reduce the sentence in light of the fact that the arsehole mugger had used the softest human body part with which a citizen could be attacked with. The mugger pleaded innocent, claiming he wasn’t aware of the harm he was doing to his victim as he was facing the other way when the arsehole assault took place – the judge was amused by this.

Fleshy Thump

On the evening in question the victim had bent down to tie his shoelace when he suddenly felt a fleshy thump to the side of his head.

He commented

I was overwhelmed with hefty blows from his arsehole that were delivered in a very unsophisticated manner, an arsehole attack with no style or grace – at all. He then sat on my head and stole my Flintstones wristwatch – stuffing it into his arse crack, which had seemingly been transformed into an arse haven for stolen goods.

I could see other valuables hidden in his arse – a Kermit the frog packet of condoms and a golden pair of Saddam Hussein underpants. That was the last time I saw my precious watch. The image of poor Fred and Barney disappearing into his arsehole behind the ticking watch hands broke my heart – Wilma! I cried.

The court case continues.


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