The hopeless embarrassment, Boris Johnson – who in-between parties, and writing books is also the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom – got away with it again today.
Vote of No Confidence
After narrowly winning a vote of no confidence, yesterday, Boris swaggered back into the cabinet office this morning and vowed to draw a line under the whole affair.
Julie Boredtits, a coffee grinder from Lewisham, told the Druid’s Loom, “I don’t actually know which affair I am supposed to be drawing a line under. Is it the party thing, or the cost of living thing? Maybe it’s the being booed at thing, or putting sewage in our river’s thing.”
Pausing to think for a bit, she continued angrily. “Perhaps it’s the killing pensioners in care homes thing, or indeed another one of the hundreds of shitty things he has done?”
Farting
Whatever the thing is that he is drawing a line under, he was back in the cabinet office today jeering, being boisterous and farting loudly, whilst Jacob Rees-Mogg and Priti Patel, laughed
Turd in a Flower Pot
“It was the usual disgusting stuff that he just does, and thinks is funny”, Gary Headlouse, a Downing Street cleaner, told us with an exasperated tone in his voice. “He just acts like a child who hasn’t grown up. And not a nice child either. One of those horrible little shits that you wish would fall down the stairs.”
“During the Downing Street parties, I had to clean a great big turd out of one of the flower pots. It was gargantuan, so I am pretty sure it was him,” he added mournfully.
Sack of Custard
The Druid’s Loom approached the ridiculous sack of custard and asked him what he had drawn a line under.
“Schploffle waffle, wiff waff, vini amas amant, fluffle wuffle,” he told us. “Now f**k off you plebs,” he added.
