Daz Bottom

Daz Bottom thinks that he is a popular columnist and broadcaster who speaks for the people. In reality, he is just a pathetic sycophant with no moral compass, who would do anything for a quick buck.

Be Nice to Boris – He’s Just Trying His Best

by Daz Bottom | 8th June 2022

We need to - He's Just Trying His Best. — The Great British Brexit - One Man is Responsible.

Daz Bottom, pens an arse-licking article to his hero, Boris Johnson, who he believes has been unfairly treated by the media and public alike. He calls for greater respect for a great leader.

We have a lot to be grateful to our glorious Prime Minister for. The little scamp was the only one who stood up to those vicious bureaucrats in Brussels and got our Brexit done.

How do we show our appreciation? We boo him. We keep going on about his various misdemeanours. Furthermore, we put him through the humiliation of a no confidence vote.

He deserves or respect, adoration and worship. not this.

Lied to the Queen

So what if he lied to the Queen? So what if he lied to Parliament? So what if he can’t keep his cock in his pants? We all tell little white lies now and again, and he is the Prime Minister, for God’s sake. If anyone should be able to do as they please – it is he!

He’s not perfect, we know that – but that’s why we voted for him. His loveable bluster, his cheeky little mop of blonde hair – it is why we fell in love with him. I want a Prime Minister who doesn’t follow the rules. This how we got our Brexit done and were cut free from the tyranny of the EU.

EU Nightmare

Have we forgotten the nightmare that existed before Brexit?

Do you remember the Supermarkets bursting with cheap food and vast amounts of choice? Think of all the time saved now me have greatly slimmed down Supermarket shelves. Not to mention how it will help solve the obesity crisis. Boris has our health in his large heart.

Do you remember how easy it was to go on holiday? Now with hours of queues at airports and in airport security, we can spend time getting into the holiday spirit. And who else, other than the Great British people, love queues more. Boris has added to our travelling experience.

Holiday cancelled due to the post Brexit recruitment crisis? Did you know you get £350 compensation per person? That’s a nice little windfall if you can get it – thanks Boris!

No One Died

Boris got us through COVID-19. We wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for him, so I, for one, think he deserved a little party or two in Downing Street – to let his ample and rather cute hair down. It’s not as though anyone dies. Except about 100,000 people. But most of them were old, so it doesn’t matter.

We need to be nice to Boris. He’s just trying his best. Can I have my knighthood now?

Random Bollocks

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