The British public, reacted with utter revulsion, yesterday, after it emerged that Boris Johnson, was caught getting his Johnson noshed off, by his then mistress Carrie Symonds.
The horrifying incident occurred in Boris’ parliamentary office, whilst he was ‘serving’ as Foreign Secretary.
Interview Technique
However, despite the sickening stories of balloon faced Carrie, fellating Johnson, stubby, sweaty penis – the unapologetic and revolting British Prime Minister remains adamant that this was a ‘work event’.
“Well, err, um. This was a legitimate interview technique,” the bumbling, cockwomble explained. “Carrie was keen to show me, just how much she wanted the £100k position. As far as I am concerned, this was due diligence on my behalf to ensure, that I appointed the most, err, umm, ‘enthusiastic’ candidate,” the disgusting tub of lard added.
Haunting
A witness, who inadvertently entered the foreign office at the time, described their ordeal to the Druid’s Loom.
“I wandered into Mr Johnson’s office to pass over some important policy documents,” Jenny Fisthole, a junior aide, explained. “What I encountered, will haunt me until the end of many days,” she whimpered with tears in her eyes.
Bouncy Castle
“A naked, Boris Johnson, was reclined and spread-eagled on a small leather sofa. Carrie was between his legs, her head bobbing up and down, as the fat sack of custard, was groaning and writhing in pleasure. It looked like she was trying to inflate a punctured bouncy castle.”
Distressed
At this point we had to give, as clearly distressed, Jenny a few moments to compose herself as she was struggling to hold back the tears. When she was ready, she continued.
“He looked at me and told me to leave the papers on his desk, which meant I had to walk right past them. As which point, he grunted and climaxed all over Miss Symonds and the sofa,” she said, holding in some sick.
“I’ve had meetings on that sofa,” she cried.
PM’s Spendings
The Druid’s Loom also managed to speak to one of the cleaners who was on duty in the Foreign Office, that night.
“Those cleaners in Downing Street, don’t know they are born”, raged Ben Clunghump. “All they had to do was be sworn at and clean up a bit of vomit.”
“I was sent in with a mop and bucket and was asked to clean up Boris Johnson’s spunk.”
