The Misuse of Body Language Act (2016)

The Druid's Loom is delighted to announce it has been commissioned by HM Government to provide robust evidence in support of the controversial Misuse of Body Language Act which is due to be put before Parliament later this year

Angry Body Language
This Person, Probably isn’t Happy.
Image Courtesy of Josh Janssen Under the

The new Bill gives provision for the police to detain and imprison anyone who uses body language in a threatening or antisocial manner, or in a way that is likely to promote terrorism.

Tut-Tut

Using robust legal research methodology, The Druid’s Loom  has been tasked with strengthening section 16(a) of the proposed Bill which makes it unlawful to raise your eyebrows in a threatening manner or tut-tut so as to cause distress or fear, or otherwise to pout in a manner that could be used for the purposes of terrorism. Looking aghast or perplexed at a police officer could result in a fixed six year prison sentence or a restraining order with a 50 mile radius.

Huffiness

Civil liberties groups have widely condemned the Bill, but The Druid’s Loom has found robust evidence to show that it doesn’t go far enough. Critics say the definition of what constitutes ‘stroppy’ is too vague and is open to abuse, but here at The Druid’s Loom we are confident our robust research will show that fighting the scourge of huffiness is a key component in the war on terror.

Humbuggery

Our findings will also help to allay anxiety among angry peers. A number of Lords have expressed concern that their disgruntlement, humbuggery, filibustering, brew-ha-ha, here-here-ing, and general snoring could all be misconstrued as illegal acts under the proposed terms of the new law. A distressed peer told The Druid’s Loom:

We’re grateful for your proposed amendments. Until now we had foreseen the preposterous situation in which peers and judges could be arrested for falling asleep in the chamber, which would criminalise our constitutional right to be self-appointed c***s.

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