For nearly four weeks, the final piece of overly rich fruitcake, wrapped in a tough layer of royal icing, had been lying forgotten on a kitchen work surface. However, in a moment of desperation, it was eaten yesterday by Jayden Driscoll, at his £480,000 Wiltshire home.
Hard Nuts and Gritty Raisins
Jayden explained this morning, “I don’t even like Christmas cake, it’s far too filling to eat over the festive period. They are always full of really hard nuts, and gritty raisins that give me the shits. The only reason why we have it at all is that my mum makes one for each of her children.”
However, on the morning of 26th January, a hung over Jayden succumbed to the traditional Yuletide treat.
Couldn’t be Arsed
“I had the shakes and was craving sugar badly. On searching through the cupboards, all I could find was dried pasta, and a few ‘Jacobs Cream Crackers’ that had gone all soft where the packet had been left open.” Jayden explained. “Ideally I would have had a can of Coke and a Double Decker, but that would have involved going down the shops, and I couldn’t be arsed”.
The traditional British Christmas cake, contains nearly three kilograms of nuts and dried fruit that has been soaked in alcohol. Mix that with a further kilogram of sugar and cake base and one creates a calorific nightmare providing a one way ticket to “Type 2 Diabetes-ville”.
Stomach Cramps
Later that day, whilst sat on the toilet with stomach cramps, Jayden defended his decision not to throw the cake away. “My mum baked it, you can’t just chuck it away, can you? It’s just not right”.
