Fans of the popular 1980s hit TV sitcom “Hi-De-Hi” reacted with excitement at the news that it’s going to be remade for cinema. This follows on from the success of the “Dad’s Army” big screen release earlier this year.
Term Time Only
In a bold move away from the “Dad’s Army” film; that stayed true to the original format; the new Hi-De-Hi release, will be updated to the more modern setting of a forest based holiday camp.
Although Maplins, will now be renamed Forest Parkz it will still feature characterless accommodation in a bland setting. Campers (or “guests” as they are known in the film), will be able to have a 5-day break for just £235 (term time only), raising to £2400 in the school holidays.
Supplementary Fees Apply
In the modern camp, guests prefer not to be woken up or given instructions over a speaker system, so the term Hi-De-Hi, will be their Wi-Fi password (£2 per hour or £20 per day), that will take them to Parkz Portal. This will show them all the events that they can partake in during their stay and any supplementary fees that apply to individual events.
Classic activities, such as “throwing the camp comic in the pool” and the “Beauty Contests” have been ditched due to health and safety reasons or for not being politically correct. They have been replaced with a looped film of classic YouTube comedy clips for just £2.50 per person and Xbox parties in the games room, only £3 per hour!
Contracted Cleaning Services
Hardcore fans will be disappointed that two of the show’s best loved characters won’t be featuring in the remake. According to the lead scriptwriter Christopher Clump, “times have changed and some of the original personalities don’t fit in to the modern holiday experience”.
Cheeky camp host Ted Bovis, with his mildly sexist act and gentle innuendo, is a definite no no in Forest Parkz. He has been replaced with Gwen Bright, the camp child protection officer.
Scatty chalet maid, Peggy, also got the chop from this updated production.
“In a forest holiday camp today, with a tight profit margin, all cleaning services are contracted out to CleanCampz, who supply a rotation of agency cleaning staff” Mr Clump explained.
Yellow Coat
Regular viewers of the series will also notice that the familiar “Yellow Coat”, has been updated to reflect a more safety conscious society. It is now a high visibility yellow vest worn over the top of a bland corporate suit. The “Yellow Coat” staff remain as jovial and quirky as ever, but all additional services, such as “wake-up calls”, “directions to activities” or “general camp information”, are only available as a paid extra.
Hi-De-Hi – The Movie, is due to be released 10th May 2016.
