If Her Majesty’s platinum jubilee taught us anything, it’s that the British people love a good excuse for a get together.
Neck Snap
150 years ago, your average chap, loved nothing more than popping down to the local gallows, and cheering as some minor shoplifter’s neck snapped at the end of a rope!
Sadly, thanks to the ‘woke’ EU and the treacherous European Court of Human Rights, this uplifting Saturday afternoon pastime is no more.
International Law
However, as we have left the EU, and our glorious leader’s has a total disregard for any international laws. All that is set to change.
I am pleased to announce that the next Brexit Benefit to be introduced is the return of public executions. Exciting and patriotic events, that everyone can enjoy. Well, everyone except the condemned, of course – LOL!
Now, I haven’t quite decided of which method of killing is best. Sure, hanging is quick and efficient; but you can’t beat the spectacle of someone screaming as they are burnt at the stake!
Spice of Life
As always, variety is the spice of life (or in this case, death – LOL!).
It might be a good idea to mix and match. With mass hangings, for your everyday vagabond and grubby foreigner. These could be a bit like sporting fixtures, with the names of the condemned on an electronic board, gradually being eliminated as the afternoon wears on.
I would be proposing running a lottery, for members of the public to get the chance you pull the lever. Who wouldn’t want to be executioner for the day!
Opportunities
Opportunities would exist for street food vans and souvenir stalls, a bit like the tricoteurs, during the French Revolution, who set up shop near Madame Guillotine. A great day out for all the family, who will be able to celebrate as the corpses are hung up in gibbets, for the children to marvel over.
Celebrity
As for the burnings – who doesn’t love a big bonfire! However, to make these a bit more special, these would take place over a Bank Holiday. In addition, we could ask a well-known celebrity to light the pyre.
Obviously, the burnings would be reserved to a special class of criminal. I’m suggesting saving them for the heretics and the homos.
Join me next week, readers, when I will be revealing Jacob’s next Brexit Benefit!
