A man today shared his disgust at the idea of men having sexual relations with women. He stated that they were “All at it, these Heterosexuals.” and in a insensitive move he stated that they should ban “straight marriage”.
Stiffly
Steve Trent from Ickenham said he was “sick of watching these Heterosexuals walk stiffly all over the place acting like it’s ok to put those dangley things in those moist dark places or whatever they get up too.”
Physically Ill
He also stated that he “Doesn’t want to see it all over the telly either.” as he feels physically ill even if he sees a man making eyes at a women. He isn’t prejudiced though, as he said he wasn’t, when he said. “I’ve got nothing against them but I don’t want to see it or hear it, think about it or to be cognitively aware of it.”
Halfords
It’s also beginning to take a toll on his relationships as he told reporters that. “One of my mates said that I keep going on about these heterosexuals so much I’m probably a bit straight myself. So I threw a brick at him in a Halfords car park.”
“I’ve read the bible from cover to cover and nowhere in there does it say it’s alright to kiss women on park benches in summer after a lovely picnic and all that shit.”
Genitals
There was also concern at depictions of female genitals which Steve says “It’s an absolute disgrace, I want more testes visible in popular culture and less boobies and female nethers. I’ve seen everything on tv and film but you never see that bit between the testicles and back end do you? Give me one example. Just one. Have a think about it. See. That’s the definition of discrimination if you ask me, which you have, which is why I’ve said it.”
Steve is taking his fight to court, the food court that is, where he’s going to hand out over three thousand leaflets he made from all that brown paper they wrap up one tiny item in a massive box in from Amazon.
James Corden
Steve shook the local pub up in January when he grabbed the mic at our Carol’s 40th and lambasted the slightly interested crowd with words including but not exclusive to “If being straight is a choice then it’s none of anyone’s business and if it’s not a choice then it’s still none of anyone’s business so what difference does it really make unless you are straight and like girlies, which is evil.” He continued uninterrupted as the buffet arrived. “There are more important things going on in the world like people starting to like James Corden, seasonal flu coming up in the winter and the world literally being on fire but my own opinion of what I like must be heard.” As taxis arrived to take home creepy Uncle Jeff Steve had one more thing to say. “If we don’t stop representing straight people in popular culture people might think it is normal. My dad was straight but at least he had the decency to hide it behind a cold exterior, passive aggression and not a single sign of affection for any other human being in his 68 years of life. That’s the dream.”
Steve’s wife told the Druids Loom “Stop listening to him, I’ve told you he’s not been the same since he lost that double glazing job in the 90s.“
