The BudgetFlight brand has gone from strength to strength, offering a cheap, yet frightful travel experience for tight-fisted customers; where luggage is treated better than the passengers. After launching a range of other budget products, owner Stavros Honolulu has proudly opened his first BudgetFood store, where all items are just 20p.
Decay
The first thing one is greeted with when they enter the store is the overpowering stench of decaying fruits and vegetables. The majority of the “fresh” produce is really only fit for being used in jams, and other preserves; once you have scraped off the fungus first. The store itself is grim on the outside and on the inside looks as if a delivery truck had crashed, spilling its contents over the floor.
Glorified Food Bank
The shop is basically a glorified food bank, with piles of high carbohydrate products in sacks littering the aisles. When asked why the shop didn’t sell any meat items, Stavros explained,
Past its sell-by-date. Good enough for poor people.
“The law requires us to sell food that is fit for human consumption. Unfortunately, the only meat that was cheap enough to sell, was toxic goat steaks, from the site of an industrial accident in Nigeria.”
Wheel Clamping
It is questionable how such an outlet can turn a profit with such low margins, but Stavros was once again quick with a reply.
“Many of our items are lost leaders, but carrier bags cost £5 each and there is quite a lucrative wheel-clamping system in operation outside the store.
Readers can now look forward to some of Stravos’ new BudgetIdeas, such as BudgetPub and BudgetBrothel.
“The BudgetBrothel is going to be brilliant”, Stavros told The Druid’s Loom, “It will have wiped down walls and everything!”
