After the success of similar schemes, elsewhere in the World, a government think tank is considering reducing the Drink-Drive limit to just one pint of beer.
Most normal people have looked at the catastrophic drunk-driver accident statistics and given this policy the nod, as it will undoubtedly reduce serious injuries and road deaths.
Human Rights
Morons, however, have looked upon this is a gross invasion of their human rights and have begun ranting all over social network sites on the subject.
The irony is, most of these people were just complaining about human rights earlier today and wanted them abolished when it used within the context of bundling brown people off to Rwanda.
Beer Tax
Imbecile Curtis Crabb explained his feelings to the Druid’s Loom.
“Look, if I wanna drive and have a beer, I wanna be able to ennit. I pay my taxes and need to relax after a hard day. I pays my road tax, beer tax, council tax and my wage tax, so I think I have the right to have a couple of drinks after work and drive home. I know my limit and I know I am safe ennit.”
When we explained to Curtis that the statistics show that even after two drinks, normal driving is significantly impaired, he grew agitated.
He glared at us in a confused way, accused us of saying he was a “pussy driver” and asked us what we were looking at followed by a flurry of expletives. Finally, he punched our photographer in the face before stumbling into a bush.
Pints
Jacob Rees-Mogg, Minister for Destroying the Country, told the Druid’s Loom,
“What Ho, these ‘people’ should be grateful that it’s a good old English pint we are using, and not those dirty disgusting, European litres.”
