Liverpool Couple in Running Divorce

A Liverpool man has divorced his wife for unreasonable behaviour - jogging with her head positioned lower than her ass. Sid Splat, 54, tells his sorry tale to the Druids's Loom.

The Correct Way to Jog
The Correct Way to Jog
skeeze / Pixabay – CC0

I caught her red handed – jogging with her head positioned lower than her ass. An utterly unforgivable act – worse than adultery in my book!


 I would rather have caught her doing that than jogging with her head positioned lower than her ass. It’s the humiliation – having to endure all the mocking remarks from the locals – “Hey! how’s Mrs ass woman? Has she scraped her face on the pavement yet? Tell her to be careful not to stick to the chewing gum.”
The rumour had spread through the city that she was jogging in this moronic way and so my reputation was tarnished irretrievably. I was destroyed – me, a respected member of the community : five years of paper round duty and sixteen years of unblemished service down the laundry. Every night she told me she was visiting a friend but secretly she was pounding the streets in this undignified manner.
She broke down – “I’m so sorry – I’m a jogging with my head positioned lower than my ass addict. I’ve kept it a secret for years, I’ve run six marathons for charity.”
I asked her what charity it was for and she told me it was for victims of the world’s worst afflicted, sufferers of the most severe forms of bunions, corns, and ingrowing toe nails.
“You should have seen them cheering me me over the finishing line – it would have broken your heart,” she explained. “Their socks off, toe to heel in Vaseline, various creams and talc – no longer able to experience the joy of jogging with their heads positioned lower than their asses.”
The courts granted a divorce and I was free to re-marry. I married another lady the following year – she ran sideways out of the church in her wedding dress. In retrospect I could see a pattern emerging.

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Herbert Smith, Bracknell

My wife jogs backwards. It’s so embarrassing! I’d divorce her too, but she takes the dog with her and it saves me walking it.