Retired Barber Makes Comeback

Pensioner Gordon Coff says that hair cuts are essential during the Coronavirus lockdown, which is why he is making a comeback as Gordon Scissorhands.

A new constructive way of social distancing hair-cuts
A new constructive way of social distancing hair-cuts

Entrepreneur Gordon Coff gave Druids Loom reporter, Alison Henderson, an exclusive interview today over the phone in relation to the new Government lock down rules.

Social Distancing

Gordon, a retired barber from Fleetwood Lancashire, said he wanted to re-start his business charging people £200 a hair-cut using the Government’s strict social distancing rules.

Brown Masking Tape

Speaking excitedly to our reporter, Gordon, 71, told Miss Henderson, ‘’ I set up my new salon, Corone Hair, last night after watching Edward Scissorhands when I was bored shitless. I hurried to raid my garden shed and found a couple of shears I usually trim my wife’s large bush with. Anyway, she got some of that brown masking tape stuff, and wrapped the shears on to my wrists’’.

Bog Rolls

Asking if Gordon had practised his social distancing barber skills on anyone, he replied, ‘’ Yes, my Old English Sheepdog. My wife is a practising Monk, so she’s bald – and so is my dog now too’’.
Mr Coff aims to make thousands from his new hair-cut social distancing venture and is currently making his own snazzy Edward Scissorhands costume.

‘’I’ve bought too many bog rolls and hand sanitiser, so I’m absolutely fucking skint at the moment, but I am making my own costume from bin liners and Sellotape. Our next door neighbour, Harry, used his fishing rod to sling over a ‘Just for Men’ black hair dye, as I am fully grey at the moment. But once the costume is completed and I slap on the hair dye, I will really look with it and look the part’’.

Scruffy Bastards

Gordon went on to say, ‘’ This is me doing my bit for the community. Even though we have to stay in, it should not stop us from being scruffy bastards. A neat and tidy haircut is what everyone needs right now in the situation we are in’’.

Corone Hair will open its doors this Friday with strict measures in place. Mr Coff said, all his customers will be issued with mouth masks on arrival to stop any flying hair getting into people’s throats causing a cough, which might make them think they have the Coronavirus.


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