Hollee-Jo Binte, a 46-year-old grandmother, from Banbury reacted with shock yesterday, when she was refused her share of the recent £66 million lottery jackpot.
“I really didn’t expect them to check the ticket that carefully”, she told the Druids Loom in a grating mock cockney accent. Pausing only briefly to take a few selfies for the “Plenty of Fish” dating site; she continued “I bought the ticket fair and square, it was an honest mistake, I thought it was a winning ticket, but it had been through the wash, so I couldn’t be sure. I also accidentally went to the media and told them all about it too – these things happen, init.” she whined.
Placed in the Laundry
The grandmother claims she bought the ticket at the local newsagent and then placed it into her ample bra for safe keeping. The ticket was then accidentally washed with the bra when she did her laundry.
Lotto official Norman Dullard explained the process of checking the winning tickets.
“It really is quite straight forward. To be a winning ticket, the numbers, date and unique bar code on the ticket all need to match. If any one of these things is missing, then I am afraid we can’t accept it. You would be surprised how many morons think we will hand over millions of pounds after a quick glance at something that resembles a receipt from “Bargain Booze”
Badly damaged and unverifiable
Presenting Miss Binte’s ticket, Norman explained why it was rejected. “The ticket is quite badly damaged and part of the barcode is missing, making it unverifiable by our computers. The date has been crossed out and been written in Biro. The “winning” numbers have also been modified using the same biro. Finally, the ticket is not even from the UK lottery, it’s just a print-out from the internet. However, our suspicions were first aroused when Miss Binte claimed it had been through the washing machine; looking at the state of her it is unlikely she has ever washed her clothes in her life.”
Seems Legit. The fake lottery ticket, yesterday.
Terminal Stupidity
When asked if Lotto would be prosecuting Miss Binte for lottery fraud, Mr Dullard said “Probably not, living with that level of terminal stupidity is punishment enough”.
