Lottery Scam idiot thought “nobody would check ticket that throughly”

Lottery scam idiot, Hollee-Jo Binte, actually expected lotto officials to hand over £33 million, without really checking the ticket, after claiming it had been accidentally put through the wash it emerged today.

Fake Lottery Gran
Yes, of course you can have £33 million!
Image courtesy of Marc Smith – CC BY-ND2.0

Hollee-Jo Binte, a 46 year old grandmother, from Banbury reacted with shock yesterday, when she was refused her share of the recent £66 million lottery jackpot.

“I really didn’t expect them to check the ticket that carefully”, she told the Druids Loom in a grating mock cockney accent. Pausing only briefly to take a few selfies for the “Plenty of Fish” dating site; she continued “I bought the ticket fair and square, it was an honest mistake, I thought it was a winning ticket but it had been through the wash, so I couldn’t be sure. I also accidentally went to the media and told them all about it too – these things happen, init.” she whined.

Placed in the Laundry

The grandmother claims she bought the ticket at the local newsagent and then placed it into her ample bra for safe keeping. The ticket was then accidentally washed with the bra when she did her laundry

Fake Lottery Ticket
Seems Legit!
Original Image (reprinted and Modified), courtesy of Ian Barbour – CC BY-SA2.0

Lotto official Norman Dullard explained the process of checking the winning tickets.

“It really is quite straight forward. To be a winning ticket, the numbers, date and unique bar code on the ticket all need to match. If any one of these things is missing then I am afraid we can’t accept it. You would be surprised how many morons think we will  hand over millions of pounds after a quick glance at something that resembles a receipt from “Bargain Booze”.

Badly damaged and unverifiable

Presenting Miss Binte’s ticket, Norman explained why it was rejected. “The ticket is quite badly damaged and part of the barcode is missing, making it unverifiable by our computers. The date has been crossed out and been written in biro. The “winning” numbers have also been modified using the same biro. Finally, the ticket is not even from the UK lottery, its just a print out from the internet. However our suspicions were first aroused when Miss Binte claimed it had been through the washing machine; looking at the state of her it is unlikely she has ever washed her clothes in her life.”

Terminal Stupidity

When asked if Lotto would be prosecuting Miss Binte for lottery fraud, Mr Dullard said “Probably not, living with that level of terminal stupidity is punishment enough”.

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Cecil Greeneye
January 30, 2016 23:26

I don’t like the fact that the lottery gives money to charities. They get enough! The money should go back to the hard working people of the country.