The fictional British secret agent, James Bond, 007, has been suspended amid a number of salacious allegations dating back to 1962.
Bond, James Bond
GCHQ issued a statement today, explaining why the man, who has saved the world on no fewer than 24 times, will be taking extended leave until investigations have be completed.
Inappropriate Advances
“A number of females have come forward naming Mr Bond, as a person, who in the past has made inappropriate advances towards them,” explained the head of MI6, M.
“There have been allegations of gross sexual misconduct when Mr Bond was on duty, which is not acceptable in our organization,” he added.
Moneypenny
It is understood that M’s PA, Miss Moneypenny was the first to come forward.
“James, has been cracking on to me for years,” she explained. “He just doesn’t give in, with his flirtatious sexual innuendo. I thought I enjoyed it at the time; but reading about similar cases in the press 55 years later; I realized I didn’t.”
Goldfinger
Another victim, Jill Masterson told The Druid’s Loom,
“James persuaded me to go to a hotel room with him, where he took advantage of me. But my boyfriend, Aurius Goldfinger found out, and killed me, by getting Oddjob to paint me gold.”
“I hold Mr Bond totally responsible for the disruption caused to my thermoregulatory system. If I wasn’t dead, I would be making a formal complaint against Mr Bond,” she added.
Caused Offence
We approached Mr Bond for his side of the story.
“It was a different time, and I am sorry that I caused offence to these women. I thought that they enjoyed the attention, and they never gave me cause to believe otherwise. If they had said anything at the time, I would have stopped,” he explained, before slapping one of our female interns on the arse. Then, giving her a cheeky wink, he jumped into his Aston Martin with her and drove away.
